Welcome to TMI Podcast

Welcome back to TMI , where we pause the chaos of everyday life to ask the big questions, the uncomfortable ones and often necessary ones, because as Socrates said two and a half thousands years ago – “Unexamined life is not worth living.”
So? Why don’t we try to examine it….just a little.
Today we will try to answer the question
– Is wealth related to our happiness?-

Little history first- The Industrial Revolution started in England around 200 years ago and spread to rest of Europe and America. It wasn’t all just about steam engines, innovation and technology, because it also changed the very fabric of societies around the world.
Suddenly, no one needed to be born into a royal or aristocratic family or be chosen by some God to live a life of plenty.
Many could now work their way up. Build. Create and Rise way above their rank.
It was the beginning of something radical called Meritocracy, an equality which, at least in theory, meant that anyone could shape his or her destiny, no matter who he or she was.
And yes, this undeniable progress created a lot of opportunities. Very soon the farmers, factory workers, and servants could suddenly dream bigger.
Anyone could open up a shop, start his business, or negotiate their wages to get a better life for their families.
That dream, by the way, built much of what we now call “capitalism” become a dream of millions. But let’s try not to ignore the shadow side of that dream which for some turned into nightmare.
The Meritocracy can be a double-edged sword.
Could really anyone get rich and happy…?
Well… not quite.
Because if that were true, all of us would be cheerful and rich today. But it is not quite so, isn’t it? Just look around.
Having an opportunity or a lot of money could feel strange. Someone said once, “Money is not worth chasing after. It just costs too much.”
Well, what you think ? ?
I heard a theory which Jim Rohn said once – If we would evenly distributed all the world’s wealth, within a few years the same people who were rich before would be rich again, and poor will become poor again.
Why would it be so? Because some of us are just lucky ?
Is our wealth, security and respect not earned but achieved thanks to sheer luck? Or perhaps wealth is dealt to us like cards in some game, of which the rules we don’t even understand?
We all heard the phrase-
“Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”
Wise words. But how do we know where and when that journey should begin? If wealth could make us happy, then we’d better get on with it asap. But which road should one take? And what if we takes the wrong road? We all know people like that.
Lao Tzu – Chinese philosopher talked about journeys, too. He said
“Even a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.” Ok, thanks, but why does it often feel that we’re walking in circles?
That , once-golden promise of meritocracy and democracy also created a rather dangerous craving, because today we all want to be
– Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise-
It is that last word some of us have problem with, isn’t it?
In today’s Western world, we are witnessing record levels of depression, anxiety, financial struggles and emotional numbness.
Especially among men aged 16- 25 and 40 -55, think about that. The part of generations with the most freedom, the easiest access to science, to knowledge, and the best healthcare in history ( at least in Australia) … is quietly falling apart.
Why is it so? Why does life feel so bad if we’ve never had it so good?
Are we unhappy because of what we don’t have…or because of what we think we should have, and we don’t?
Here’s a story for you:
Imagine you’re a simple farmer in ancient Rome.
You live your humble life with your wife and kids. You can’t read or write but you don’t need to . You’re content with your lot in life. You are healthy and respected in your community. Life is good.
Then one day, Emperor Augustus summons you to his palace. You are surrounded with luxury—fine wine, silk sheets and exquisite food. You see beautifully dressed women , attend Greek plays, and have deep conversations with Seneca or Cicero about meaning of life.
You’re instantly elevated to a level of life you never knew existed.
And then… after a week or so, you are sent back home, to your village and your old hut with a leaking roof, your tired-looking wife, and your untidy kids.
Now, tell me… would you feel as blissful as you were while staying in that palace ?
You’ve seen a lot. You know that there’s so much more out there, yet you can not have it.
You would simply change and suffer in silence, start chasing that feeling of riches, wouldn’t you? It’s just human nature, and you can’t change it ( unless of course, you are not human )
This is a powerful metaphor for our modern human experience. Through Instagram, Facebook, and Netflix, we’re all being invited to that palace, to see luxury and heroic warriors we associated with, and witness the beautiful couples who love each other forever and never even argue.
All this fiction makes us feel amazingly good, but sadly, it lasts only a moment, doesn’t it?
Just like that Roman farmer, we expected to see all those riches and then return to our mundane lives to our financial issues, a dead-end job, the family problems and…be happy.
No wonder we’re anxious, lost, or confused.
Today, we no longer want things because we need them but because they are the newer version of what we already have, often working perfectly. Whether we need them or not, those things simply exist or because other people have them.
And that’s when happiness turns into hunger—an endless want that can be compared only to people who refuse to grow up, who are constantly looking for new things, and who want to experience new emotions every day, just like spoiled children.
Every growing boy wants to be somebody, a superhero, a rockstar, or at least a multimillionaire.
But by the time you’re 30 or 40 and working in accounting, sales, or as a carpenter …you should know that all that was just a dream, and now it’s time to get real. I, for instance, grew up spending a few years in the army.
I’m not saying to join the army or to stop dreaming. Dreams are great, and we should all have them, but don’t you think they ought to be realistic and within our reach, and preferably have nothing to do with pipe dreams?
Here’s a question: What if we stopped comparing ourselves to the rich and famous we see in TV , could we start enjoying our life just a little more? The answer is –
definitely yes.
So , maybe it’s time we stopped thinking like 5-year-olds who want to slay a lion on Monday, become a king on Tuesday or invade Greenland On Wednesday, and start acting like grounded adults who find joy in small, happy moments?
As Paul wrote in letter to the Corinthians:
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child…but when I became a man, I put away childish things”
So maybe, men up?
This is some statistic for you- According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, almost a quarter of the Australian male population drinks alcohol four times a week. And let’s remember that statistics are usually pretty conservative.
I didn’t even want to look for statistics regarding other substances people smoke, swallow, or inject. I think we forgot that a simple substance like alcohol , is also a potent depressant.
So, good luck trying to stay positive and happy while consuming a dose of depressing substance every other day.
But coming back to dreams. Could it be that dreams we once thought possible had become the chains that bind us today?
Are our unfulfilled dreams haunting us, making us feel like failures when, in fact, we are doing quite well?
Is it all because we compare ourselves to others who are luckier, richer, or better educated?
I blame such beliefs on thinking of people in the New World, the American psyche. This is sometimes simply fake, and it gives people false hope.

They all still think they are the best, wealthiest, and smartest nation on the planet. No wonder everyone who believes all that , wants to go and live there, although it looks as if America’s luck is running out, too.
Hope is great and necessary to hold on to, but the kind of hope that floats somewhere high in the sky, usually does more harm than good.
We all heard the phrase – “If it sounds too good, it’s usually because it just is.” Trying to reach some pipe dream never ends well because it’s just too high.

Many speakers from US sold us this idea that you can be anything you want to be “
Doesn’t this sound a little bit like a marketing campaign of Big Fake?
So maybe—just maybe—it’s time to stop daydreaming, start living and play the cards you were dealt, instead of trying to cheat, and see what the other guy has in his hand?
Let’s talk a little about being joyful.
Remember when you were five years old? I bet you laughed every day, for no good reason. You didn’t care if your friends were rich or poor, white or black, or which country they were born. How do you feel about it today?
And when was the last time that you laughed like that? Was it while watching some second-rate comedy on your TV?
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, said, “Every motion in our life is towards happiness,” but then he added, “Happiness can be achieved through the training of the mind.”
Question- Does anyone you know doing that? Aren’t you just hoping that while you do whatever you are doing, someday by accident the happiness will just fall down onto your lap?
And all that while you are scrolling through YouTube trying to find the happy pill , or a get-rich-quick idea?
Good luck to you. I really do hope you’ll find it.
Are you reading about how to be happy, or at least talking about it?
Most of us binge-watch made-up stories about other people who never existed while sitting on the couch for five hours at a time, and eating take-away food filled with saturated fat.
How can anyone who does this expect to be healthy or happy?
We waste so much time chasing admiration, dreaming of being rich, or happy, or both. We want others to see that we made it, and admire us for our car, house in Toorak, apartment in the city or expensive jewellery.
Lucius Seneca, who was a very rich man in ancient Rome and who lived during the time of Jesus, said:
“Anyone entering our homes should admire us, and not our furnishings.”
We know that in ancient Rome, the gold-plated toilets were not a thing…but you got the idea.
The truth is, happiness requires some form of training and effort, and not a huge bank account.
Just like any job or any skill, we need to learn about being happy, or at least know how it works, in order to get it.
Using the words of Jim Rohne – “Contrary to what most people think, ignorance is not bliss.”

I believe that in order to get your balanced mind back, you need to stay away from alcohol and other substances for a while.
Then, once your mind is clear and your brain functions again as it is supposed to, you may realize that you don’t have to move to India, wear linen clothes, and meditate ten hours a day to gain happiness.
Yes, it was necessary fifty years ago, but today, thanks to IT, you can train your mind right where you are, in your home, wearing jeans, eating what you like to eat, and listening to words that can improve your life and change how you feel about almost anything .

And no, you can’t find the answers in your favourite TV show. They’re not there.
Instead, think of a new hobby and learn to do it well. Don’t try to be the best at it. Just enjoy the activity itself. Join the gym, try rock climbing, read more, or start a journal or painting. Make new friends. By the way, you can learn most of that using You Tube. That’s how I built my own deck. People still think professionals did it.
Yeah, that learning again. I know.
But even entering the stock market requires a lot of learning. You must educate yourself about investing, read charts, do research, and get the right advice before investing money. Otherwise, it is just another form of gambling.
A great stock market expert whom I met, Mr Colin Nicholson, said something like: “ A person needs to have the right kind of personality to be a successful trader in the stock market, because even the wooden duck can buy some stock.“
So, you need a little bit of knowledge, curiosity, and good intentions to succeed. Yes, it takes a little effort, but what doesn’t?
So try something different tonight. Perhaps skip the binge-watching another season of some show and read something meaningful instead? Or have a good chat with someone you respect.
You can also just go for a walk, but please don’t tell yourself that it’s raining, or that it’s too hot or it’s too windy today.
We heard that one before.
Maybe the happiness you’re looking for is much closer than you think? So learn about it , but put that new knowledge into practice.
As Bruce Lee said, “Knowing is not enough—we must apply.”

So? Perhaps apply a little of what you’ve just heard here.
It may change your life just as it changed the lives of many of my clients.
Your thousand-mile journey might be different from someone else’s, but the goal is the same:
To live a slightly better life than you are living now
And maybe, just for today, to be okay with who you are and what you have? You can become the person you want to be, with a little effort ( and no, it doesn’t include Spider-Man. Sorry)
Don’t forget that the best lessons in life are often free
And it just doesn’t get better than free, doesn’t it?

Thank you for spending time with me. We’ll talk again next Friday, at five o’clock as per every Friday.
Until then, laugh more, binge less, and try to go for that long walk now.
Till next Friday.
I’m your host, Peter Jankowski from Easy Melbourne Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy.

Is anger something we are born with, or do we learn to be angry? 

There are situations in life when we use anger to curb injustice. Anger can be very useful in certain situations, as shown in action movies where the good always wins over evil. We know that good doesn’t often win, but anger often helps the hero to beat the bad guy up. 

You saw there  how useful anger could  be and even how necessary it can be  in certain situations. Especially when  we have to fight for our lives or the lives  of our loved ones. 

There is a known phenomenon proving that an angry person can become much stronger if he or she has to fight an important battle. Our brain releases chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisol into our muscles, which makes us much stronger than usual. 

I witnessed this phenomenon with  my own eyes when I was around six. My parents argued  and decided to separate. My mom was never a violent person, and she was just size six, fifty-five kg.  

But she  became enraged during their argument and grabbed our old heavy  cast iron stove, weighing over a hundred kilograms , and pulled it in anger several metres in order to block the door and  divide our apartment in two. 

Us with mum here and dad there. 

Luckily, they talked and later got back together, and now they had to put the stove back where it was before,  but they couldn’t. It took two other strong neighbours ( so four of them) to do so. 

It was all thanks to chemicals released by the adrenal gland. So when we are extremely angry, in a fight, or running for our lives, i.e., when hearing bombs falling, we may jump higher and run faster than we ever have , to save ourselves. 

So, yes, anger has its place. But let’s talk about unwanted, unintended anger, which we sometimes feel and then realise that it was quite unnecessary.  

Just think – would you get angry if you saw a drunk guy trying to hit your sister, your friend or your mother?  You would want to wipe the floor with that guy, wouldn’t you?  Well, you’re not alone.  

I have a very old leather-bound Webster dictionary of English. It weighs four kilograms and was written while Napoleon Bonaparte was still alive.  

This old dictionary describes it like this :  

 Anger is a violent passion of the mind, excited by a real or imagined injury. It is often excited by injury done to a relative or a friend.  

Anger may be inflamed till it rises to rage to a  temporary delirium.” 

Now, that was explained well, wasn’t it? 

That last word, delirium, scared me though.          

 I think it should scare you, too. 

Ok, but let’s remember that at the time when my dictionary was printed, men used to kill each other in duels almost daily.

Sometimes, it was for making a silly joke about a man’s wardrobe or bad manners. They didn’t punch each other. They preferred to be shot because then it was better to be dead than to live in shame.

I think we’re talking about ego. Don’t you?  

Over forty years ago, we got really drunk and  I saw the cop who came and was trying to arrest my friend, but it was a few other guys who were fighting and the policemen were scared to arrest them, so he started arresting my friend who just stood there and did nothing wrong. I argued but he didn’t want to listen to me. I became really angry and punched that cop . The left hook put him  on the ground, his cap and  gun on the street, and he was unconscious.  You can imagine how we panicked and ran away. The cop recognised me the next day , and I almost landed in jail. It took a lot of diplomacy to save my liberty from our director, as we are working  on the contract in another country. Yes, it was a different life, but we all worked hard and played hard then. Anger took over me when I saw injustice. Yes, it was very silly. 

I did a similar thing  when I was in the army. I made myself angry to feel stronger because the guy was much bigger than me.  My friends advised me not to fight him, but again, that left hook in the chin sent him backwards  into a few chairs and tables. Just like in the movies. 

This time I had a good reason,  because a few hours prior he stuck the loaded AK 47 to my face with safety off, ready to fire. This was just a joke as he told me. I stayed calm and still thinking – ok, maybe this is  it? I didn’t do anything silly even though I was furious later. I waited until we returned to our room to pay back.  Let’s just say that after landing among those tables and chairs  he never joked like that again. With anyone. Lesson learnt , but yes. It was anger at me that did that. 

So , philosophically speaking, we may agree that anger has its own place.

During wars, when we try to save the life of a family member or a friend, or when the safety of our country is on the line we are capable of doing the most amazing things. And this has nothing to do with miracles.   

It is a known fact that only the angry soldier who saw what his enemy did to his city, family, or his country is angry enough to kill the other. Just look at the war in Afghanistan or Ukraine.  

It is  so because a soldier who loves peace, life, treasures all living things, and can’t hurt a fly, is basically useless on the battlefield. 

The job of every general and sergeant is to motivate each soldier, usually using anger as a tool. They expose the soldier to facts and to propaganda to make him or her angry enough so that they want to kill the enemy without even thinking when the time comes. 

I know that method well,  because that’s what they did to all of us while I spent over two years of my life in the army. Luckily, I never had to shoot anyone because I served during peacetime.  

Nevertheless, humans need a good motive to kill anyone. And let me tell you, anger is a perfect motivator to get there. 

Let’s talk about a slightly different situation,  when a person screams at coworkers, his or her spouse, or strangers in the bus, which evolves into a violent episode?   

Anger is often a misplaced emotion which causes us to overreact more often than we like to think. 

So, losing it—colloquially speaking, may lead to serious consequences. You may choose to ignore them at the time of your argument, but they will haunt you later on, and sometimes for decades to come.

 I’m not trying to preach, but sadly, the judge won’t care much if you had a bad day or how much you drank before, or that you don’t even remember it. 

Who started it all, won’t matter much either, and you will have to answer for what you did to the victim( that is, if you win) you may end up paying his medical bills, and sometimes for his recovery, which may last years and cost hundreds of thousands.  Sorry.

So, you may hit the guy and win the fight,  but then you will end up giving up part of your salary for years to come, just as some people pay for the child they never wanted to have. Maybe you should ask those men how that feels. 

So, avoiding or walking away from an argument on the road, from a street fight or a pub fight, is a very good idea,  no matter how angry you are and no matter how bad it may feel for your ego. Let’s just say its a much cheaper option.

A few years ago, I met a sergeant of the Australian Federal Police and we started talking about street fights and road rage. He said to me : 

 “ Yes, your ego might get hurt if you walk away from a fight because it feels like you are a coward. You may feel uneasy for a while, but this feeling goes away. However, if you decide to fight an aggressive guy who might be on speed, firstly ask yourself – can you take a punch? 

And secondly, is he a gentleman or does he has a hidden weapon in his pocket?  You don’t know that. 

By the way, even if you win, what if the guy bumps his head against a lamppost while falling? These days, cameras are everywhere, and the Police will find you.

Feeling bad about walking away will eventually go,  but the consequences of your liver or lung being stubbed, or maybe paying for the recovery of the other guy, could last as long as your lifetime. 

Not even mentioning your spanking new criminal record if you’re lucky enough.” 

I’m very grateful for meeting that sergeant. I think you should be, too,  for what he told us.   

So again, before you let your anger do anything stupid and before it turns into  -Delirium-  as per my Webster dictionary…I say- think. It may save your life someday.

Ask yourself: Is the argument or insult worth risking tragic consequences that may follow and last for decades? 

Your anger can destroy your life or someone else’s in a flash. And for what? Hurt Ego? 

Osho( the  Indian mystic ) said – 

Ego is deceptive. It hears only what it wants to hear,  and it interrupts what it wants to interrupt, but it never sees the truth “

Many of my family violence clients have  IVOs ( intervention violence orders ). We talk about anger and how to manage it. 

Many of them say a similar thing

 “ I don’t know how that happened, “ or “ I  can’t believe I did that, “ or “  I’m not a violent person”.

I believe that it is anger that makes them do all that. They are all remorseful and try to get back on a horse and go back to their lives. And let me tell you,  it’s a high horse to claim.   

So, let’s just agree that most of us have a choice – we can choose to escalate the situation or not. No matter if we are drunk or not.

Alcohol can be an enabler. It lets us do things because it kind of waves away the responsibility for our actions at the time.  

We believe that we have a good reason to do what we do. We tell ourselves that we will justify everything later on.  But it’s all just a lie.

This is the very reason why when I was a young man, I  never won a street fight while I was drunk. Today I know. Then I didn’t and just thought I could.

The reality usually hit me at the same time as the fist of the other guy did.  

The consequences of our actions always come later. Many of my clients can’t see their children or even return to their own houses for months and sometimes years after the incident.  

Some  sadly, land in jail and say

 “ If only I had talked with someone like you before, this would never have happened.”  

Well, perhaps yes, but isn’t it so because we, the men, often ignore the symptoms until it is too late? The same goes for physical health, such as cholesterol levels or a heart check.

We try to get over it with a drink and act like a real man does. I’m sorry, but being a real man has nothing to do with being violent at home or aggressive in a public place. 

If you are a loud, rude, and pushy guy, you need to talk to someone before it’s too late. 

What is anger anyway,  and where does it come from? 

Emotions such  as anger flood the brain with harmful chemicals instead of the happy ones. 

Remember the stove my mom moved? Yep, the same kind of chemicals—adrenaline and cortisol.  

People in court say –I’m Sorry, but I saw red and I just couldn’t stop” Or 

 “ I got mad and once I calmed down  it was too late.” 

To quote Sadguru ( Indian mystic ) who said this-  

– You say, I got mad .  But how many times can you get mad and calm down later? A hundred? A thousand times? It is very probable that after one of those mad episodes,  you won’t be able to calm down anymore, and you will simply stay Mad.

There is another from Lucius  Seneca 

 “The outcome of violent anger is a mental raving, and therefore anger is to be avoided, but  not for the sake of moderation,  but for the sake of our sanity, because anger is the closest emotion to madness.” 

Not a bad observation from the guy living two thousand years ago.

When we get angered too often, we simply train our minds to get used to being angry. This is like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which we use to teach people to stop bad habits and behaviour.  

In the same way, with enough time, we can train our brains to get used to being angry instead of being peaceful. 

You can train your mind to stay angry as if it was its  normal state. And the more you do it, the better it gets.

Why? Because practice makes perfect.

Have you ever considered such a possibility?  Perhaps it’s time you did.

So,  can we stop anger when we know it’s coming and starts to overwhelm us? 

Yes, we can! ( And no, I’m not quoting Obama) 

I’m just saying that there are many methods to stop anger from escalating when we see it’s starting to take hold. 

Yes, it takes some effort to recognise the signs and learn how to stop them, but what doesn’t require effort? Even brushing your teeth does, doesn’t it?  

And by the way, getting angry is exhausting. 

Now, what happens to the angry brain? 

The angry brain usually gets into fight-or-flight mode, and we can’t even say things we normally say intelligently using correct phraseology.

It is so because our prefrontal cortex becomes temporarily bypassed in the process, and let me tell you, this is the most important part of our brain. 

The fight-or-flight response takes over, and all we can do is yell and vocalise parts of sentences instead of having a decent conversation. The calm, logical function of the brain becomes temporarily disabled.

That’s why the Police wait some time after a car accident or a road rage incident. We simply can’t express ourselves clearly until later on. 

And yes, that’s why many people scream when they’re angry.

 They want to explain how they feel, but their brain doesn’t let them, so they raise their voices as if saying-  “You have to listen to me! I’m hurting!” 

We regress and talk like two-year-olds would. 

Ok, let’s talk about childhood then.

We can’t pretend that anger doesn’t exist. We can only change how we react to anger and stop it from escalating, or it becomes a violent episode. 

Now, let’s talk about anger while we drive. 

For many of us, driving is our most dangerous and most stressful daily activity. Showing a finger, using the horn, or yelling at the other driver is a form of road rage—we all have seen it. Research shows that people who get angry regularly may have abnormalities in their limbic system. 

Partly, the overstimulation of the small part of the brain called the amygdala, which controls our emotions.  I call it  TD- a Threat Detector.  It controls emotions such as fear and anxiety.

Those people are usually more aggressive  So, yes, some of us can’t fully control our anger.

If you are one of those who suffer from it you should seek an anger management course, or get an opinion of a specialist. 

Help is out there. We need to just ask for it. And the best part is that, at least in Australia, such help is almost free. 

I often ask the taxi drivers how they manage not to get angry when silly drivers cut them off or there is a near miss. 

Almost all of them give a similar answer:   

“ If I become angry at the guy who cut me off, things may easily escalate.

The  Police and Ambulance may have to come next. I may miss my dinner and a few days of work if I’m hurt, which means money. 

So, isn’t it  better to smile, stay cool, and keep driving? It is always better to ignore it as if it never happened. That way, I stay peaceful and get home for my dinner on time and spend the day with my kids, instead of being in court.”  

What do you think about that kind of approach? 

Shouldn’t all of the angry drivers out there follow such advice?  

Also, if we men followed that kind of reasoning, we wouldn’t need IVOs, and domestic violence incidents in Australia would be a thing of the past. 

Thank you  

What do you do…For a living? 

In this episode, we will examine how people see us based on what we say to them and what we do for a living. 

Most of us judge others based on what we do, and those others judge us back. This is exactly the opposite of what Jesus told us in Matthew 7:1 and 2.

I’m not going to start some religious argument here, but let’s remember that Jesus was not only the Son of God or Prophet (depending on who you ask, of course) but also a well-read scholar fluent in reading and writing in Aramaic and Hebrew. 

He studied a lot, including many Jewish writings, but he didn’t have a formal education, and look what he managed to do.  

So, is it true that if a man doesn’t have a degree, he is most likely not very smart? 

That is simply incorrect, which Jesus also proved two thousand years ago while being challenged by many high priests and proving his superiority despite a lack of formal education, as per the text in the New Testament.  He understood the human condition well and saw what judging others can do to people. Of course, the high priests hated it, and we all know what they did to him at the end.

 

On Human Nature and Judgment

I don’t believe we can eliminate that part of our character. I think judgment simply comes with the package. Just like the person we marry, who usually has a flaw or two, we just have to put up with them if we want to stay together, because no one is perfect.

So, why do we perceive or judge others based on what they do for a living?

It’s usually because we like to compartmentalise people. We need to sort others out depending on their status, wealth, age, intelligence, or other factors.

We like to think that each person has their own place according to our chart, if you like. Just as in the wardrobe, one drawer is for socks and another one is for T-shirts.

 

Early Conditioning: What We’re Told

Some parents tell their kids that tradesmen, Uber drivers, or cashiers know little about anything, so talking to them makes little sense.

I’m sure you’ve met such people just as I did.  Many of them live in affluent suburbs. 

They also say that most people with money are bright and worth knowing. I dare to disagree with this because my experience regarding rich people is almost the opposite.

But lets’  imagine that a plumber who just came to your house to fix your tap starts talking with you about Homer’s writing, JS Bach’s music, or Sigmund Freud’s approach to the subconscious mind.

And all that while he kneels on the floor, under your sink.

Most people wouldn’t know what to do — they might laugh or leave the room, because we’ve been conditioned to believe a plumber wouldn’t say anything about literature, classical music, or psychology. Right?

 

What People Assume About Tradesmen

I’ve met many tradesmen and servicemen who reported that most people think that an electrician or carpenter can be interested only in their work, football, or their lunch.

Of course, we all know there are many such tradies. We all can see their big vans and Utes. And how pushy and rude some of them can be on the roads.  But it’s not those people we will talk about here today.

These days, at least in Australia, most tradesmen make good money. They travel, go to concerts, and some educate themselves to pursue another profession. Some even start charities or become Members of Parliament.

A teacher of the Professional Writing and Editing course I started years ago was a man who won competitions, published a few books of poetry and short stories.  This man was a  plumber who loved to read for many years before he requalified. Today, he is a well-regarded teacher and one of the best-read men I’ve ever met in Australia.

Speaking of judging a book by the cover …?

 

How We Sort People – and How It’s Changing

Anyhow, we should all know that no one is just a lawyer, just a cop, or just a handyman.

Our understanding of others changes with the times, as it always has and will.

Today, however, such change may happen much faster than before  thanks to online courses and opportunities out there that didn’t exist fifty years ago. 

Today there are more opportunities than we can use in our lifetime.

You no longer have to be born into the family of Artists to become an artist.

 

Some servicemen I’ve spoken to have even had clients complain about them — just because they used words which seemed too sophisticated for some clients ,  or expressed opinions that showed god forbid some intelligence. 

And why? Because someone who installs your air conditioner should know nothing beyond air conditioners? 

How ridiculous is that?

Imagine this same guy starts talking to you about archaeology or sociology. Would you report him to his boss just because he seems clever and shouldn’t be? 

Trust me,  some people do.

I remember learning in sales meetings that you should always “play dumb” around clients. What a dreadful rule. That job didn’t last—I just couldn’t go that low.

Did you know that nearly 60% of Australians aged 15 to 75 have literacy and numeracy skills equivalent to levels 1 and 2, which is the level of a seven-year-old?

That’s ABS data — You should check.

No wonder so many of us feel uncomfortable when a handyman we call to fix our window sounds better read and more familiar with history, geography, or international politics than us.

Such a man ought to say just yes or no to just one question: 

Would you like a coffee?   And that’s about it. But that’s just nuts, isn’t it?

 

Can we Learn from Anyone? 

All those false beliefs exist because we expect the worker to be quick, simple-minded, and, of course, uneducated. I do realise that many or most just fit that mold, but one day, you may be surprised to learn that your Uber driver, whom you pay twenty dollars for, has the PHD in philosophy from a University in his country of origin. 

Some people almost never take up much of a conversation with service people,  especially if they are in that sixty percent. 

 

Some of us, however, do listen and know how to have a great conversation with clever tradesmen, taxi drivers, or checkout chick. I do.

It is because I realized many years ago , and I still believe that you can learn something useful from absolutely anyone if you just listen.

For example, if the guy tells you how he lost a fortune in a wrong investment, it may save you lots of money someday. 

But if you dismiss him, you yourself might end up being just another loser investing in the same kind of scheme. 

There is wisdom in listening  to those who stuffed it up too,  isn’t it ? But again , if we just  listen. 

 

Brains Aren’t Always Found in Boardrooms

I’ve met quite a few tradies with degrees and even one with a master’s in economics. I’ve met the archaeologist from England who simply couldn’t find a job in Australia, and was forced to retrain himself. Today he is a well-known house renovator.

Good luck trying to challenge him on the history of the world. Or anything else, really.

So, I say be careful before dismissing anyone because they might just be a little more intelligent than you, even though the person doesn’t live in Toorak or doesn’t  have a degree With exception of course some degree….of intelligence.

Most of us have a strong bias towards those who do manual labour. They won’t even contemplate a serious discussion and just walk away.

I met many people with qualifications who have important jobs. Some of them sadly don’t really lead the pack when it comes to IQ.  I’m sure you met those too.

Some people rise to the top by being bullies in the workplace. So if the boss is shouting at his employee in front of others, he must have a good reason, right?

Well, I’ll let you answer that.  

 

Memory Isn’t Intelligence

Sadguru said once:

“If you get some sort of degree, good for you.

But it just means that you have a good memory, and that’s about it. This doesn’t prove that you are intelligent or especially knowledgeable.”

I tend to agree because I have met quite a few people around the world who work in managerial positions. We call them intellectual black holes.

 

So coming back to the bias towards a cashier, a guy in reception, or a tradesman.

Being dismissive towards some of them is not really surprising since some aren’t exactly a fountain of wisdom, but this doesn’t make them dummies either. They may be a little careless or depressed, that’s all. 

Surely, the CEO of a big organisation won’t even contemplate discussing the strategy of managing a thousand people with his gardener because he lacks expertise, but that doesn’t make him an idiot either. But that’s what we  hear.

There was a joke I heard many years ago:

“If the guy is an idiot and gets to the university ,then  manages to get his degree, you won’t automatically get an intelligent person. 

You will simply be an educated idiot.”

In a nutshell, the title, the number of certificates or diplomas ,doesn’t make anyone more intelligent, except proving that the person has a good memory. My apologies if you thought otherwise.

If you saw the wall in my own office, you might think that I’m some super smart person. I assure you, I’m not.

Of course, I met a few very intelligent people in my life, but not all of them had a PhD or even a degree.

 

A similar attitude goes for people who have some money.

Some may assume that rich people are either very smart or dishonest. Both can be false. I know a few people who own lots of properties. I mean more than five  million dollars worth.

There aren’t crooks or some financial gurus. They simply inherited this wealth, and one even won a large sum in the TattsLotto.

My point is that bias is simply almost always wrong.

In my own motherland, there is a proverb –

 

“Why are you poor? Because you’re stupid.

And why are you stupid? Because you’re poor.”

There is some strange wisdom in those words. And yes, huge bias too.

 

Returning to what we think of a person introduced to us as a professor, a lawyer, or a lawn mower man, we automatically assume that they are either intelligent or not, honest or not, and wealthy or not.

If a person says that he is a used car salesman, we automatically think he is probably a dishonest kind of guy. 

So, how do we deal with people who judge us like this, and more importantly, how do we stop the negative assumptions?

First rule of thumb – if you find yourself in a large group of sophisticated people, remember to stay quiet more than most, instead of trying to defend yourself, or worse, becoming defensive.

That never works well.

Simply keep your mouth shut and trust that your time will come. And when it does, make sure you have a witty or at least funny answer.

The second rule of thumb is this: Once you talk with people, try to be interested in them a little more than they are interested in you.

This shouldn’t be very hard since most people do the opposite. So just listen.

Doing that will give you a good chance of being evaluated on your wit and character instead of the job you currently doing. 

This  is how you can prove that you do have a brain, despite of being a cleaner. They may get a small  shock hearing you talking about ancient history, being fluent in a few languages, or knowing something about Persian literature?

Remember , quiet people often attract more interest than the loudmouths. And it is those, the more interesting ones, you should aspire to meet. 

The other kind talks mostly about money, sports they never play, or work. Nothing could be more boring, so don’t be like them.

I would love to give you the third rule of thumb, but I just had two of those, sorry.

 

Conclusion: Bias Shrinks Your World

Just remember that a quiet person  is usually much more intelligent than the loudest “town crier.” 

The biases we may have, don’t make us smarter, but mostly limit our view of the world and diminish the number of opportunities we may miss once we start dismissing people based on what they do for a living.

To end this episode, let’s remember that no one can purchase intelligence, no matter what they do for a living or how well-connected or how  educated they are.

Wisdom doesn’t hide behind the title, profession, or a bank account. 

True intelligence can’t be hung on the wall for all to see. 

Today, we can do so much. We can self-educate, change what we do, meet more interesting people than our current friends, and change everything within a few years.  

We can discover talents we never thought we might have.

We need  to remember that the biases most people live by are nothing more than urban legends, and we all should know that such things aren’t worth much at all. 

Many people simply are intelligent  regardless of what they do for a living.

Thank you.

Welcome to episode four of TMI.
Today, we will talk about the Big-D.
What makes us depressed? Every person feels sad sometimes, and there is nothing wrong with being sad or happy, but there is something wrong with being happy all the time—
just as well as being sad all the time, too.
Almost all of us feel some melancholy or sadness now and then for various reasons. For instance, there is such a phenomenon as seasonal depression. Yes, even the weather can affect us.
I know it well since I’m from Europe. Countries like Russia, Norway, or Greenland have long and cold winters. Days are short, or sometimes just not there. There is little sunshine for most of the year, and many people often feel down, resorting to alcohol, trying to deal with their seasonal depression.
There is Vitamin D, which comes mostly from the sun and makes us feel a little happier. This exists even in Australia, where the climate between states varies.
Ever thought why most Queenslanders are so much more upbeat than we are in Victoria or Tasmania? The difference is very apparent if you care to look. That doesn’t mean that people in Brisbane don’t get depressed either, but they are usually what we call a happy bunch.
Of course, there is work stress. If we are self-employed, we worry about not having enough work. Or if we work for the boss, we may feel we are being used and overworked.
We can feel miserable for others, too. For instance, watching news like the war in Ukraine, where small children and women are dying every day. Of course, there are exceptions. Some people feel nothing when they see a screaming child with an arm blown off. We won’t call those people humane.
Science has also worked out a few cures for depression. We have Zoloft, Xanax, and dozens of other antidepressants. We have counselling, which often helps a great deal too. These days, people even use AI to get counselling. So, you don’t need to see a person anymore.
You can chat with your laptop instead. And who knows, maybe soon ChatGPT will start issuing degrees in psychology?
We should ask ourselves what we can do when we get sad, depressed, gloomy… or all three. Doing nothing, or taking no action, is an action (to use the stock market lingo from my old days of trading).
But why do nothing? Is it because we are so busy that there is no time to take care of our mental health and happiness?
So many of us have a drink after work to deal with anger or depression, knowing on some level that this never works.
It’s like trying to get rich by gambling, but in effect, losing more and more money.
We usually know when we are depressed, but can we stop sadness from rising and taking over the whole mind?
Depression can affect all aspects of our daily life, such as decision-making, our job, having fun, and relationships with our spouse or friends.
As always, there is no quick or easy solution, but that doesn’t mean the solution has to be long and hard either.
If there were a quick fix, I would gladly give it to you right now, and I would probably get the Nobel Prize for such a discovery as well.
Lucius Seneca, who lived 2000 years ago, said,
“Everything hangs on one’s thinking. A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself to be.”
And Jesus said something about it too. He famously said,
“As you think, so you are.”
So, is it all in the mind when it comes to feeling depressed, blue, and destitute?
We are all different, but we also have quite a few things in common.
We are all humans. Most of us want the same things. We try to have a comfortable, peaceful, and healthy life. We all want to have our basic needs secured, such as shelter, food, and safety. We also want to go to sleep without worrying about tomorrow. And it is a bonus if we have someone we love sleeping right next to us.
Not too much to ask.

Of course, we can’t just think ourselves to be happy and… voilà – I feel great now. Thanks!

That only works in American movies. I always believed that we should exhaust other avenues before we resort to antidepressants. I never took them and don’t intend to.
Yes, we know that some people should take them to control chemicals in the brain.
For many of us, being happy or sad depends on what we see and hear during our early life.
We copy words, behaviour, emotions, habits, and body language—even the way our parents or siblings react to spiders.
We copy it and absorb it just like monkeys. Oh yeah, there is a Darwinist twist in the middle of this theory.
We are products of our environment, so we copy our siblings, parents, and extended family members.
The way a man talks, thinks, and behaves largely depends on how his own father talked to him when he was a kid, and how his grandfather talked to his son when he was one, and so on.
Of course, we don’t just inherit the whole character from our parents, but we copy how they process life to a large degree.
At least that’s what I believe. It is based on decades of long research of a subject I know very well—myself.
For example, I hear our mother when I see or talk to my sister, who grew up with me. I hear her phrases, her laughter, and jokes. And yes, I can hear and see her facial expressions too. What does it prove?
It proves that feeling sad or happy may depend mainly on how our family used to process happy moments, depressing moments, and life in general.
I often ask my clients,
“What would your life look like if your father were a kind man, a doctor, or a businessman who would send you to university instead of the one you had?”
They laugh at first, but they know that their life would be very different from the one they live now if the father weren’t an abusive or violent man—or simply addicted to a substance.
Now, let’s go back to a time when you were ten or fifteen. Try to remember how your parents talked to you, and to each other, when they were… happy, or when they were sad or depressed.
How did they process stress and sadness? What affected them, and what did they try to ignore?
I believe that when other people see you and talk to you, it is almost as if they were talking to and looking at your father or your mother.
Now, ask yourself—do I want to be like my parent?
If your parents, siblings, friends, or cousins seemed depressed a lot, and you witnessed that during the first years of your life, when the brain absorbs everything, how can you not get easily depressed today?
This is what your brain knows. It’s what feels familiar, so naturally, you go there. Often, our most self-defining thoughts come from within—without any outside help.
To prove that point, I sometimes think of the reasons why so many women I meet through family violence marry guys who remind them of their own fathers—
even if the father was a violent, angry, and abusive man. Some of those poor women who get beaten, or worse, report later that they were simply following what felt familiar, which is simply what they learnt during their early childhood.
The most depressing fact is that after such an experience, they sometimes pick another, equally abusive partner.
Seems that old habits die hard.
The first years are the most fascinating for the brain because we learn about life, and everything is new and exciting.
A child’s mind is like a sponge that absorbs everything good and bad, including what we hear, see, smell, and feel. We process everything using our cognitive thinking and lots and lots of imagination because, as children, we aren’t able to process many complex ideas, such as politics, modern technology, and even such concepts like: why do people lie?
We simply make things up, so that things make sense to our five- or ten-year-old brain.
When my parents bought a TV in 1964, I was convinced that my dad secretly put rolls of celluloid film inside our TV set at night while we were sleeping, so we could watch the programs and films later on.
The concept of picture and sound traveling through the air from the top of a mountain, coming through such a thin antenna cable to the back of the television set, simply didn’t make any sense to me.
Call me slow if you want, but how much did you really know about electronics at the age of four?
Comprehension of the world, including emotions such as depression, changes later on, once we get more education and exposure to social life, but the pattern (what we could call “schema”) doesn’t really change much.
It’s kind of like your cat. It grows, but its markings on its coat get bigger—but they never change. That’s how you know it’s your cat.
And yes, it takes many days to learn or unlearn behaviours too. They say each man is a book and every day is a page. Let’s look at it to see what it means.
For instance, the average life expectancy in the Western world today is around eighty years, which is equal to thirty thousand days.
Novella Animal Farm by Orwell has thirty thousand words.
So, in fact, it is not each page, but every single word in that book that represents one day of our life. Seems a lot? Because it is.
We all learn best by repetition. So, repeat the behaviour a few thousand times and you’re hooked.
Witness a certain behaviour, good or bad, for three thousand days, and you have a lifelong addiction of some kind.
And three thousand days make us just eight years old.
Can you see now how your bad habit can get set in concrete by the time you’re twenty-five, before you leave the home of your parents and stop exposure to their habits?
Why are we holding onto them? Because practice makes perfect. Witnessing or repeating something a few thousand times is enough to stay with you forever.
That goes for drinking, smoking, gambling, feeling depressed, getting angry, and becoming violent—but also becoming a kind, patient, and peaceful person.
We know that not all parents are depressed, angry, addicted, or abusive. Many parents are wonderful and supportive, and their children are often very similar, which is great. I have met such people, and I‘m happy for their kids.
I’m talking here about those who were less lucky than that, and who wonder sometimes why it’s so hard for them to just be happy.
Today, we know that we can train our brain to feel a certain way. The brain is plastic—it’s a new catchphrase.
Just try to guess how many times a day you have sad or angry thoughts, and how many times those thoughts are happy and positive ones.
Most of us have several times more sad, negative thoughts than happy ones because of our busy lives, work stress, driving in traffic, politics, financial woes, or just negative self-perception.
And how can you tilt that scale when the black dog knocks at your door?
The same way we learnt how to throw the rock so it hits the glass bottle—we need to learn how to get happy and stay that way instead of repeating the negative patterns we know and which feel familiar.
I, for instance, use hypnosis and help clients eliminate such thoughts. And ask some clients,
“What will change if you do not change that behaviour or that thinking?”
I’m a huge advocate for teaching kids more about emotional intelligence and positive thinking, and how to eat healthy—instead of algorithms of angles in geometry, which is useless and never used in life, or chemistry, unless the kid intends to be a chemist or he wants to know how to make the best crystal meth in town when he grows up.
Say what you want, but we were all happy once, haven’t we?
And most of us were happiest before we even reached the age of ten.
The question to ask is not why we are depressed now, but what we kept doing then that made us so happy. Or perhaps what we didn’t do.
Today in the shops, I saw a five-year-old boy who ran up the escalator laughing his head off.
I said to his mother, “See how little it takes to be happy? We should learn from this.” She smiled and agreed.
I hope the boy will stay happy like that forever, but reality is usually different than what we hope for.
And when did you last run up the stairs laughing for no good reason?
Don’t answer that. It was a rhetorical question.
When we are children, we don’t really care which suburb or country a friend is from, which god he worships, or what car his dad drives.
What matters is only whether you are a friendly, kind person or a nasty one.
We simply can’t get rid of those constraints we acquired during so-called adulthood, but they are holding us back instead of pushing us forward.
Being a grown-up has become a hard job instead of an advantage. Those who have some education often look down on those who don’t, just as the rich look down at the homeless, usually saying something stupid like,
“Get a job, stop drinking. You can be like me.”
I heard that when I was volunteering with Emerald Mission for Fr. Bob Maguire.
Remember how we couldn’t wait to grow up? To have money, to be independent, and do what we want instead of listening to others?
And today, what? Some of us are starting to realise that being a kid wasn’t so bad after all. Many people drink too much, gamble, or use drugs, trying to feel a little careless and be worry-free again.
Yes, the same money we wanted so badly then became our nightmare instead of a dream, because we have to take care of it—so we invest it. We have to pay the mortgage—so we save it. And we work overtime—to get money in the first place.
Not exactly what we once thought, isn’t it?
Everyone has their own philosophy and outlook on life, and I’m not in the business of teaching people how to live. There are such people now. We call them life coaches—as if life were like golf.
I just wish I could see more grown-ups who run up the escalators, who follow the belief that it is all up to them. And they wouldn’t have to be coached to live happily ever after. Just happily will do.
Speaking of those who are more or less joyful, we should all learn how to make ourselves like that boy—more cheerful and less depressed.

Thank you.

In this episode, we will look a little closer at the Big-H, our overall health.

First, let’s agree that in order to function well, we all need nutrition, water, oxygen, and, of course, peace of mind.

Our body, which is a very complex machine, has to be maintained in order to work well. Each organ, as we know, has its function, and it has to work in coordination with all other organs. The body is a very complex device that usually notifies us if something is not quite right.

Like a car, where all the parts have to work together in order for it to function well. If we don’t take care of the parts, water, or oil, which lubricates everything, the engine will start making strange noises and then will just stop.

And we all know what happens when our own engine stops, right? It’s called a heart attack.

I know we can’t really compare such a complex organism as a human body to a simple machine like a car, but there are similarities.

Think of hydration. The car engine will simply overheat without cooling of some sort, just as our body will dehydrate without water. At first, it eventually will stop functioning altogether.

Then, there is the matter of the good food and junk food we consume. We can compare it to the quality of fuel. The wheels can be compared to our feet, as well as the computer chip that controls the engine, to our brain.

If we go further, we could compare the car workshop to a hospital and the car mechanic to a surgeon. A mechanic can rescue us when something fails and needs to be replaced—let’s say a new part—and the car will work again. But can the real surgeon do the same?

Just think what happens to your car when you blow a tyre, or worse, when there is a leak in the cooling system, or there is not enough oil to lubricate the parts inside the engine.

Let’s talk about the food we consume.

What would the engine do if we poured fuel mixed with water into the tank? We all know the answer to that.

The problem today is that we seem to care more about our cars than we do about our own bodies. And the mind, of course, which is probably an even bigger problem.

I don’t want to use too many analogies in this episode, but we could say that if the car doesn’t idle well, we may need a slight adjustment or tune-up. This could, of course, be compared to some counselling. Kind of a check-up.

We use cars daily, and we know that if we neglect maintenance, we will be forced to pay for repairs and then be forced to catch the bus for a week.

And if we crash it, we simply call the insurance company and get a different car. But we neglect our body, knowing very well that there is no alternative, nor spare parts, and no insurance—except the funeral insurance, of course.

There are no dealerships for human parts where you can call and get a new organ. At least not yet.

Now, knowing all that, are you still just too busy to take care of yourself? You clean the gutters of leaves every few months. You fix the fence and pay thousands to tradesmen or mechanics, but spend just a little time and money to take care of your own body and mind?

We will pay anything to fix a leaking roof, but no one can buy a new heart, new liver, or new brain if we destroy the one we have with drugs or alcohol.

Many of us used to spend hours on a couch eating takeaways, watching shows like The Biggest Loser, feeling sorry for all those unfortunate people and completely ignoring our own obesity or level of cholesterol.

Words of Jesus—Matthew 7:4—come to mind.

We usually tell ourselves—one day I will make an appointment with that counsellor, or will see the doctor about my heart, or maybe even a nutritionist—but not now… Now I’m just too busy watching television and eating my pizza.

We all know that this kind of promise never goes anywhere. It is simply lying to yourself to make you feel a little better, isn’t it?

We like to make promises to ourselves regarding our health, but the problem is that we break most of them. And why do we do that?

Well, because no one is watching us. It’s easy to pretend that such a promise was never even made. There are no witnesses – case closed.

Why don’t we look after the most important machinery, which is our own body and mind, and pay so much more attention to our car, computer, or house?

This looks to me like our life depends so much more on technology and expensive material goods, rather than the body you’ve got for free. Perhaps it’s the principle here? It’s called—easy come, easy go.

The most amazing pump ever created is inside your chest. It pumps your blood 24/7 for 80 or 90 years. Show me a pump that can function so long without fail. You may use AI if you want to. You won’t.

This is your engine that powers everything. That includes your legs and brain, which processes the words I’m saying to you (apologies for my accent), and every other part of you won’t work without that pump.

Speaking of people who can fix that pump, I heard a story Wayne Dyer once told 

A mechanic says to a heart surgeon:

– I can fix any engine of any car, anywhere in the world.

And the surgeon said:

– Oh yeah? But can you fix it while it is running?

Today, we live on average eighty years or so. People in ancient Rome two thousand years ago lived up to forty. Half.

This is not so because we are so much smarter today, but because we have better healthcare. I believe that if we were to travel in time and find ourselves in Rome during the first century, the world’s population would shrink to one billion rather quickly. We are not as tough as we think we are.

We ignore the advice of doctors based on a theory of some lunatic or conspiracy guy who thinks that vaccines cause autism (as per current US government policy). Result? As we speak, people are dying from measles over there.

I’m sorry in case no one told you, but AI won’t print new lungs for you once you ruin yours with cigarettes. It also won’t print a new brain once you ruin yours with alcohol or drugs.

We install antivirus software on computers, phones, and on our power grids because if we don’t, the virus may infiltrate them and cause serious issues. And yet we cling to viruses of the mind and never bother to check if they mess up the CPU in our head. For example, does the idea of humans living on Mars make any sense to you?

I’m talking about the false beliefs we adopt, the untreated anger, and some urban myths in which we trust more than we trust God.

Most people look into relaxation techniques, hypnosis, or counselling when the virus, such as depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation, has already taken hold.

Why is it that we remember to clean our house and dishes, maintain the car and laptop—which takes time, effort, and money—but we neglect our heart and our mind?

We don’t go for a walk in a park. We don’t play for fun anymore. Even when playing golf, most people just want to win. Only a few have fun on the golf course and appreciate the views, fresh air, and company.

Is our life a race with the finish line at the grave?

We eat garbage, we get sad, angry, and we rarely check our cholesterol level. We exercise a few times a year and want to stay slim and trim?

Our mental health is very closely connected to physical health. Not many people realise that.

When we were hunter-gatherers a couple of hundred thousand years ago, we walked twenty or more kilometres… every day.

We had to find food, shelter, and run from wild beasts. So walking and running are necessary for us to function well. Activity is in our DNA.

Today, we also walked twenty kilometres. But in a month.

When we run or do weights in a gym, the brain gets fed with oxygen and blood, which circulates various happy chemicals.

I know this because if I don’t exercise for a few days, I start to feel tired, easily stressed, and a little stiff.

If you are not convinced, try the experiment.

One day, sit in front of the gym or sports center and observe people. Compare those who go into the gym with those who are leaving.

Most people who are going in have a serious, tired look, and those who leave the gym look happier, lighter, and often smile.

We have become a lazy society, where everything is easy, quick, and accessible with the help of our car or iPhone.

Since I was six, I had to bring two 20-litre buckets of water from the water pump a few hundred meters away, then up the stairs to our attic, because we had no running water. We did that every morning so our mum could cook, wash, and do laundry.

We spent hours in forests to collect mushrooms, raspberries, and blueberries so mum could make the best jams in the world. Our mother had a sewing machine, and she used to make winter and summer clothes for us based on American fashion magazines. They were so amazing that people thought we had an uncle in the US who sent us those.

Mums made homemade ravioli and pasta, and even homemade ice cream. My sister and I also had to carry wood and coal from the cellar upstairs every morning during winter.

The point is—we walked everywhere and did a lot physically. We walked to the shops, walked to our river for a swim, we played soccer, and yes, we walked to school too (in my case, 3 km each way) until I was 12.

We squeezed orange juice by hand, we ground coffee with a crank coffee grinder, and everyone had a bicycle. Everything required skill, a muscle, or both.

And all this was only fifty years ago. Not five hundred. We used to do everything by hand.

Today, we pressed a key on a phone, and food arrived by Uber in 20 minutes while we drink our beer. Can you spot the difference?

Ever wondered why people in the old movies look slim and healthy?

No one does such things today, and no kids interact as we did then. It is as if socialising were bad for us.

We drive our children everywhere. We drive them to the swimming pool for an hour, and then drive to play footy, also for an hour. And then back home to do what? Let them sit and play computer games for hours…?

We don’t walk. We drive everywhere, we eat fatty foods, and we binge-watch TV shows (usually ten episodes at a time).

And we are lucky if we have a partner to watch it with us.

Still wondering why you just can’t lose that extra ten kilos, and why you feel a little sad, a little too often?

We are a group of animals. We need a tribe, friends, or family.

Social media made us antisocial. We have AI robots to keep us company. We have the keyboard warriors, who are the symptom of loneliness and anger in our disconnected, lonely, and angry society.

So? What does it tell us?

Perhaps we should look at what we believe in first. Do you believe in everything you hear on TV? I don’t, but I’m different.

I lived in four countries in Eastern Europe where they served us the lying Soviet propaganda for breakfast.

Trust me, what they say today sometimes changes tomorrow. A great example is American politics today.

Remember asbestos, which was supposed to be safe? Or DDT pesticides? Or WMDs in Iraq?

They tell us we should drink eight glasses of water per day, but soon they’ll tell us that we should drink just two.

We lie to ourselves for years and wonder why we are overweight, anxious, or unhappy.

I say since TV doesn’t make anyone happy and it’s mostly background noise, you can go for a walk instead. Now would be a good time.

Or maybe pick up a book, call a friend for a game of chess, join the gym—but not to have the gym tag on your keys. Use it!

Try to meditate, go for a swim, or learn to draw. A slight adjustment like that can change your life.

And by the way, TV is usually about wars, crime, or advertising things you just don’t need.

And please don’t tell me that you suffer from Maniana Syndrome. It’s a mental condition that causes you to put off things until tomorrow. In English, it’s called laziness.

I think we all could take a hint from our hunter-gatherer ancestors who ate much less and moved much more, don’t you?

And that’s what I have to say about health (to quote Forrest Gump).

Thank you.

Episode 6 – Gambling

What is gambling, why is it addictive, and how can we stop such a compulsion?

Gambling can become an addiction rather easily, and it isn’t something you have to do hundreds of times. Sometimes, all it takes is one big win.

For instance, if a person plays on Pokie machines or cards—blackjack—once in a blue moon and wins or loses a few dollars here and there, there’s no harm done. We call this entertainment.

Gambling is not the same as crystal meth, which can hook you after using it just once, either.

But if we win a large sum of money, the chance of becoming hooked is much greater than if we don’t win. So, as Billy Shakespeare would ask:

“To play, or not to play?”

I don’t give advice, but my opinion is this: play with caution. And if you happen to win a small—or even worse, a big—sum of money, especially in the early days, beware. You may start fooling yourself into believing that you are just lucky. Trust me—there is no such thing.

Our gambling dreams have a tendency to turn into nightmares rather quickly.

When we win, the rush of adrenaline floods the brain. We want to celebrate, and we often feel very generous—for a time. I know this not because I read it in a book, but because I won quite a few jackpots when I was gambling myself.

The excitement doesn’t last. In a word—the hype is temporary and passes after a few hours.

However, the gambling habit, which can easily ruin your life, might have just started to take hold in your mind. And this doesn’t just pass. It can become permanent—if you let it.

That’s why I tell many of my clients: the worst thing you can experience as a beginner gambler is not losing a few thousand, but winning a few thousand early in the game.

Think about it. It almost doesn’t make sense, but it’s true.

That particular win could be your first—and also your last. There’s no telling. So, if you know that you have addictive personality traits, I think you shouldn’t step into any casino or gambling venue at all.

Again, this is my opinion—not advice.

Gambling is not as common as addiction to alcohol, but it seems to be a stronger habit to kill—and ten times more expensive a hobby than drinking, if you were wondering.

If you want to make a quick calculation, you’d have to drink a small bottle of bourbon every single day… for ten years.

Take it from the man who gambled away around a hundred thousand dollars over the years.

In various support groups for gamblers I took part in, I met people who gambled away millions in the space of just a few years. Yes, it can be that easy.

A large win gives people false hope. And loss? It can make us depressed and angry. We all feel like fools when we realize we’ve lost a few hundred dollars.

Playing with a little bit of money can be entertaining—and some people do that successfully. It’s fun, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

But we’re talking about those who gamble daily, weekly, or every time they get paid—which is on a regular basis.

I’ve met people who gambled too much. I met a homeless lawyer, a homeless engineer, and even a homeless CEO when I did charity work with Father Bob Maguire.

These people had careers and jobs, but they developed problem gambling, drinking—or both.

Some people, after having a drink, convinced themselves that it was their lucky day and they had to go win that jackpot—which, of course, never happened.

Some will say to you:
“Oh come on mate, a little bet here and there is just a bit of fun, isn’t it? It’s normal.”

Yes, having fun is normal. But doing it regularly? That’s not.

And what is “normal,” anyway?

Yes, the meaning of this adjective can be more fluid than we like to think.

We invent words to justify our weaknesses and, yes, our addictions. Addicts like to say:

“I’m just a social drinker,” or “I only use recreational drugs.”

Let me clarify something—there is no such thing as recreational drugs. All mind-altering substances will affect or damage your brain in some way, no matter how old or clever you think you are.

Some Pokie-goers say:
“I go to simply kill time.”

Why would you want to kill time? Does it need to be killed?

Is there really nothing else you could do with your time? Create something, learn something, or read something rather than… killing something?

Plus, any new hobby you can think of will surely be cheaper than gambling.

Many of us make excuses to cover up bad habits, because we know they harm us.

So why do hundreds of thousands of people happily sit in front of huge screens every day, watching rolling monkeys or jumping fish, listening to disturbing music for five or more hours at a time? Drinking wine or eating dried sandwiches from the bar?

Average losses? One to five hundred dollars per visit.

Here’s a newsflash: Australia holds the first place in the world in one category.
No, I’m not talking about the Australian Olympic swimming team.

I’m talking about gambling.
Per capita, we lose 23 to 25 billion dollars every single year.

Yes, we are the biggest losers in the world.
Sorry for that sad piece of information.

The gambling losses equal about a thousand dollars per person—and yes, that includes toddlers.

Do you think that’s a good record?

It’s tragic, and I’m sure it also has something to do with the ten or so people who commit suicide every day in our country.

We all need help now and then when we want to stop bad behaviour.

But the big question is—do we always know that we have a problem?

The answer is—of course we do!

We just tell ourselves little lies:
“It’s just a bit of fun.”
“It will pass.”
“I’ll stop gambling after Wednesday.”
“I’ll quit as a New Year’s resolution.”

Which, let’s face it, never really works.

Too often, this “bit of fun” becomes the reason for bankruptcy, divorce, or a nervous breakdown.

Or worse—attempted suicide.

Gambling is one of those hidden addictions that you can do during your lunch break at work, using just a phone or computer.
You can gamble away thousands while sitting on a toilet.

No one will ever know—unless they have access to your bank account.
Clever? Not really. It’s not you who’s clever here—it’s the other guys.

Don’t think for a second that I’m above all the things I talk about. I’m just a person. And like you, I have weaknesses.

I just managed to stop a few of my addictions—and not without outside help, I might add.

My experience helps me understand others a little more.
And before you ask—yes, I stopped gambling many years ago.

We all need help sometimes. I asked for it not because I was weak, ashamed, or not smart enough—but because at some stage I stopped believing in my own lies, like:

“I could stop gambling on Pokies any time I want to. I just don’t want to.”

I believe most people with an addiction tell themselves similar things.

Some people do it for fun—and that’s okay too. Not everyone who visits a casino or plays the Pokies is a problem gambler.
Just like not everyone who drinks wine is an alcoholic.

But let’s talk about what happens to our brain when we develop an addiction.

I use metaphors and comparisons to illustrate things differently from textbooks, which can be hard to digest.

Basically, all addictions start in our mind. And what takes hold is thanks to one ability we humans have—our imagination.

We have the greatest imaginative power of all animals on the planet—as far as we know.
Does your cat worry if his food will arrive next Thursday? Does your dog feel depressed about a rat he killed last year?

No. Only we do that.

Our imagination comes from our “new brain”—the neocortex. This developed later than the “old brain,” which we share with lizards and snakes. That older part of our brain handles food, sex, heart rate, fight-or-flight, and so on.

The neocortex lets us imagine, plan, feel music and art, and picture the future.

It’s what lets us dream of living in a mansion, with the perfect spouse, talented kids, a Mercedes in the garage, and a Persian cat—or carpet, if you’re a dog person.

But sadly, for most gamblers, those dreams become nightmares.

In short: we gamble because we see ourselves as winners—but we turn into losers.

Of course, there are exceptions. But in my estimate, those who actually win are in the single digits.

Each time you walk into an RSL or TAB, maybe ask yourself the Clint Eastwood question:

“Do you feel lucky?”

I wasn’t. But I made myself believe that I was.

Alcohol helped with that self-deceit. Sound familiar?

Then there’s responsibility—accountability.

Gambling away rent, mortgage, shopping money—that’s not just a personal problem. That’s an accounting problem. And accounting problems? They’re hard to fix.

Thousands of gamblers are in jail for embezzlement and fraud caused by gambling debts.

Let’s also talk about “Inhibition Abolition.”

Inhibition is a safeguard that stops us from doing dumb things.
Alcohol disables it.

When we’re sober, we gamble fifty bucks and go home.
With drinks? That fifty becomes five hundred.

We stop listening to our own common sense.

We flip into “hope mode”—and imagination takes over again.

That’s why there’s always alcohol in every casino, Pokies venue, and racetrack in the world.

You, dear punter, are simply being duped—by a glass of wine.

The truth? Gamblers almost never win.
And if they do, they lose it soon after. The balance always returns to zero.

Some even borrow money—which never ends well.

The only people who win in the gambling industry are the owners of casinos and venues.
I always liked that line.

So next time you’re sitting in front of the screen, lights flashing, jackpot music playing—look around.

Most of the people there? Losers—just like you.

Except the staff. They’re not allowed to play.

And believe me, they know: almost no one wins.

Find a mirror—maybe in the toilet? Take a look. There’s another loser in the reflection.

Ask yourself:
“Why am I even here?”

And if you can’t come up with a solid answer—leave.

I asked myself that question many times. And yes, it was usually in the toilet—because that’s where the mirror is.

From my marketing background, I can tell you: everything in that venue is designed to part you from your money.
The music, the smell, the carpet, the sounds—the cheer when you win, the dull thud when you lose.

Did you watch Casino with Robert De Niro?
One great line in that movie:

“The casino always wins.”

Sure, people win jackpots. I won dozens in a day. Some were a few thousand. But most of that money went back into the system—either that day or soon after.

Can you guess the name of this game?

It’s the game that turns winners into losers.

It runs on imagination, greed, and nothing else.

Sad—but true.

I watched people feed banknote after banknote into machines, hoping for that one win that would change their lives.

And it does—but not in the way they hoped.

We don’t gamble based on logic or planning. We gamble because we’re human—emotional, imaginative, and sometimes irrational.

So maybe it’s time to stop fooling yourself.

You’re not the lucky one.

Listen to the common sense that says:

“Almost no one wins. That’s why casinos are so big.”

That one line might save you thousands.

Or maybe even more than money.

Thank you.

Today, we will examine a common excuse for our failures: blame.

Many of us can think of someone to blame for things that did or did not happen to us. In today’s world, blame is more popular than coffee.
We use it to justify many things. Just think of reasons why you don’t have a degree, why you don’t live in a huge mansion, or why you have low self-esteem. You may find many names to blame.
Then, the longer you think about it, the more names will come to your mind. Try it.

How many of us say – If only my parents were different, or if only a teacher in high school gave me a second chance and wouldn’t kill my confidence?

We often blame parents for maltreating us while favouring the youngest sibling.
So we all can find someone to blame for our depression, disaster, failed marriage, or even addiction.
Most of us stay in that mindset for decades and almost never think that our situation might be due to our own actions rather than the actions of others.

Such beliefs are common because it is much easier to blame others for our own failures than blame ourselves. And let’s face it — no one likes to admit to his mistakes. Some people hate it more than others, and I even met a few who simply can’t do that.

Listen to a politician like the American President, who doesn’t make mistakes.

Let’s talk about health and ask questions like – Why am I overweight?
Then, before we even start thinking of a response, our brain comes up with the answer on its own — which is often nothing more than some urban myth we heard years ago.
For instance: I am fat because of the sugar and all the fat they add to our food.

Have you noticed the pronoun there? It is They, not Me.

So, you eat takeaway just two or three times a week because you are… too busy. You don’t have the option of cooking your own healthy food with no sugar or saturated fat because you are… oh yeah – too busy.
Going out for a ten-minute run or a thirty-minute walk in a park next to your house is out of the question because you are… too busy again.

Some excuses are even more creative. For example:
– Tonight is no good. I have to watch another season of my show on Netflix.
– Oh, no. It might rain today. Or – Today is just too windy… or too hot.

As you see, we can blame the weather for being fat as well.
The most common excuse is – I feel weak today.
We forget that the reason for feeling weak or tired is often related to eating bad-quality food, which is mostly the takeaway.

We eat fatty food and then we feel tired. Later on, in order to feel strong again, we eat more of the same food because we need energy but ignore the fact that this fatty food will make us tired again. And the vicious circle continues.
That’s how we get into a loop of eating and not exercising — which can last for decades.

Blaming sugar, fat, processed food, or even the weather is much easier than condemning our own failing — which, in simple English, is laziness.

Now let’s look into the level of general knowledge in Western countries. What do we know, and who do we blame when we travel and find out that we don’t know much at all?

I believe that every adult should know something about history, archaeology, music, literature, and some geography.
Most people I met in the Western world know about their own work, the sport they watch (but they never play it), and the prices of their homes.

Yes, I came from an education system with very high standards. Too high, if you ask me — but it doesn’t hurt to know more.
Once, I spoke to a few teachers in Melbourne, and even one school principal who said:
“Our students need only to know the difference between church and state. It’s all about the separation of powers. And that’s enough for them as far as politics go.”
If I ever blamed anyone, I blame that kind of principal for the narrowness of their minds.

Jim Rohn said something about education.
He said:
“Formal education will give you a job. But self-education will make you a fortune.”

So, here it is. Today we all have access to the knowledge of the world in our phones. And it’s all free too. But you need to read about it, study it, and remember it.

Why? Because the same man also said:
“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”

If you do that, you just may have a shot at finding a great partner, having a better career, and maybe even a better life.
Excuses and blaming others can get you mostly to a dead-end street — or worse, a dead-end job.

The sad reality is that we look at the phone and have the answer, fooling ourselves that we know things.
The idea of catching the bus, going to the public library, finding a book, copying a page or two, and then remembering what we’ve read so that we can talk about it later is not cool today.
We just ask Mr Google.

But does finding the information make us wiser? No. Even a trained monkey can do that.
However, applying such knowledge, researching it, remembering it, and using it at the right time may change your life.

The knowledge of thousands of years of recorded history is in your pocket. So why is the level of our knowledge worse today than it was fifty years ago? And who can we blame for it, if anyone?

Bruce Lee said:
“Knowing is not enough: we must apply. Willing is not enough: we must do.”

It’s like finding a gold nugget in the ground and keeping it.
I know how that feels, because I spent time with my detector in Victoria’s golden triangle looking for gold.
Finding gold doesn’t make anyone rich. Your gold can make you rich only if you sell it and invest your money.
Or if you buy a house with it (the size of the house, of course, correlates to the size of your nugget).
But if the nugget sits in your glass cabinet…? It looks nice, but it does nothing.

Again, we all have access to knowledge like never before. So get it and invest it instead of sitting on it and being happy that you have it.
I believe that knowledge is useless if not used.

We don’t educate ourselves to make our lives better. We expect life to be good. Just like in that LG ad — Life’s Good.
But who to blame if it isn’t?

We start a business and expect things to grow magically.
Then when we hit bankruptcy, we have plenty of people to blame. The most common causes are the recession, foreigners, and competition.
We blame the government when taxes get high, and we blame the traffic when we leave for work a little late — because we wanted to stay in bed a little longer.
We blame many things and many people — but not ourselves.

Your blame list of people responsible for your unhappiness usually has one missing name — Yours.

Philosopher Epictetus said 2000 years ago:
“Blaming others is a sign of ignorance and a way to avoid self-reflection.”
Most of us can relate to that, I think.

So how do we stop blaming and start praising?
Today, many of us are quick to blame because deep down, in our subconscious, we always know when we are to blame — but that feeling is rather uncomfortable.
The mind quickly seeks the guilty party, and there is always someone to blame. We learn this during early childhood, in a sandpit. We hurt a friend or break her toy, and in order to avoid spanking, we blame the nearest child to us. That works, especially if no one’s watching.

We do it later when we hit the other car because we were looking at our phone. But we quickly blame the other driver because he was driving too slowly.

If you own up to your mistakes and stop blaming, two things will happen:
First, you will have a chance to self-reflect a little, just like the man said 2000 years ago.
Second, you will start sleeping much better from now on.

Thank you.

Episode 8 – Relationships

In this episode we will look at issues couples have. We will focus on friendship, intimate relationships, and companionship.
We’re all surrounded by people, whether we like it or not. Most of us want to be included in some kind of group, in a sports team, or be socially accepted among others in general.
The bottom line is that we all need other people to succeed or at least to know that we are ok.
No one truly exists on his own, as John Donne said in his poem:
“No man is an island… Every man is a part of the main.”
Main here means…the rest of us.
We could translate those words into a thought that we are all separate, but also connected at the same time.
So, kind of a network. Each of us is an individual with free will, like a CPU, but we are all connected through the wired or wireless network which makes us similar to the internet.
Since our birth, we look around and we see our mothers, fathers, or siblings. Our brain forms then, recognising who is the crucial person to our survival and who is the one we can skip. It takes time, but this process starts to shape our prefrontal cortex.
Then we pick our favourite person in the world, who is usually a mother. This happens with the help of a unique chemical called oxytocin.
The young mind of the child may deduce that if he or she lives, this world will exist too, but if they die, the world simply must die with them.
It takes some time, but eventually we realise that we are not in the centre of the universe.
The real change and mature thoughts usually start when we confront others; this takes place in kindergarten, where we meet the other kids and start comparing our thoughts and ideas. We compare ourselves, our parents, and other people’s houses during birthday parties and sleepovers.
Suddenly, we share rooms with others who look the same, talk the same way, and have similar questions. But one goal in life – to survive.

It is the time when we all start to compete for attention, a piece of cake, or to win in some board game. That in later life translates to our career, to finding love, and our need of being admired by others.
Yes, some of us prefer solitude and don’t want to have anyone around for various reasons.
For instance, I met a few such people in Thailand. They were Buddhist monks who could sit and stare into a point for hours without moving. They trained their own minds since the age of five or so. Yes, it is a way of life for some people. Most of them report being very well-adjusted and happy, but this is a very different kettle of… Thai fish.
Most of us, however, want to be surrounded by people. That’s why we have parties. We all need to be part of some friendly group or at least to be accepted, just as animals do.
Every group or herd of animals has its own rules by which it’s governed. Consider lions, chimpanzees, birds, wolves, or even insects like bees. They all live in groups. It is clear that we are group animals.
I believe that our desire to be accepted into a part of society comes from the same primal survivor need. This fact has been thoroughly researched.
Some people prefer to deny it, but there is more than enough evidence today to prove that we humans are not here a few thousand but hundreds of thousands of years. Apologies to those who take the Old Testament literally.
Australopithecus, through Homo erectus to later us – the Homo sapiens – always lived in some sort of group, herd, or tribe if you like. Just like most animals.
People may want to tell you that we are all special, chosen, and different from animals because we have language, we built the Colosseum, and we carry mobile phones…
I’m not a Darwinist, an Atheist, or any other -ist. I simply trust science.
Believe whatever makes you feel good, but in my experience, relationships are more complex than religion, because religion seems to have all the answers… and relationships, generally speaking – are hard.
Try to think of someone who constantly criticized you when you were five. Then, look at your own life today and try to find parallels with how you reacted then and now.

Chances are that your reactions didn’t change much.
There are various reasons why we have almost half of newlyweds getting divorced within the first five years.
I can think of one common reason why that is.
We often pick a girlfriend or a boyfriend for, proverbially – the wrong reasons.
We want to be happy with that person of course, and forever. We see all the attributes, which are mostly based on what…?
Yes, the physical attraction.
To be truthful, the sex appeal and talent in the bedroom count, because Mother Nature wants us to procreate. But it eventually fades away, and when sex becomes a chore, things may go bad really fast. Yes, it is often that simple.

Also, many of us (usually young) consciously choose not to see the faults of character, bossiness, or narcissistic traits in the person they want to marry.
So, is love blind? Yes, it is, and it’s also deaf.
They may ask later – why no one told me? Well honey, they did, you just didn’t want to hear.
Still wondering why almost half of marriages fail?
We deceive ourselves thinking – Oh, that’s nothing. Once I marry him, I will send him to the gym every other day to lose those extra kilos fast.
Or – I will find a way to curb those bossy traits in her. After all, I am the man of the house.
Good luck trying to improve or change your man or your woman, but I don’t think it’s that easy.
I’m trying to change people’s habits and finding it hard even with my training.
The truth is this – People mostly do not change –
You should write this on your bathroom mirror.
It would be helpful if you read it daily.
It will help even more if you write it on your mirror some time before the day of your wedding.
Sometimes, there is not much wrong with the future spouse, but you both might be just a wrong match. You both could be different intellectually or emotionally, which was ignored.
Picking up the right partner doesn’t have to be complicated.
For example, if you both agree on almost everything, if you have a similar level of general knowledge, views on life and the world – it’s a good sign.
Also, if you’re both emotionally mature and have similar plans for the future, you have a very good chance too.
But, if you are being corrected rather frequently or you feel like you need to correct them because they need to change how they think, or if you’re just not into them that much… please find another person.
Yes, this is brutal, but it’s true. It’s not the size of her bra or size of his house which really counts. So much when it comes to the question if size matters…
We all like to believe or hope that our special person will always be sexy, kind, and emotionally available.
Well, the reality could be quite stark. Your spouse will have bad days just like everyone else. They won’t stay slim and attractive forever because we all change with age.
You will have to get used to them snoring, letting off gas while watching Netflix, and eating takeaways instead of home-cooked dinners, because we are all just busy.
So, basically, what is left when the once erotically available person becomes a part of the household and flirting turns into:
“I need my sleep. Have a huge day tomorrow.”
What is left then, is the strength of their character, integrity and honesty. Also, an easygoingness, if such a word exists.
Those are the things we often ignore until it is too late because people just…?
– Don’t change –
One of my clients put it short and sweet;
He said, “The less drama from the wife, the better the marriage.”

Yes, that’s true, but let’s remember that there is such phenomenon today as
male drama queen.
Now, as for arguments. It doesn’t even matter how vital the issue we quarrel about is. What matters is how many times per day we do it, and if we find any compromise afterwards, or we have to come back to the same issue the next day, and the day after that.
I’ve witnessed many couples where only one side talked and the other stayed silent due to fear of criticism or having an argument.
That’s not a relationship. That’s dictatorship
(a very different kind of ship).
So, things to remember. It’s not just good looks, great body, good sex, or even the money the person has. Yes, it all helps, but…
It’s all those other things that really matter. Having a trophy wife or husband will make your friends and family jealous for a while, and the sex may be amazing, but those kinds of spouses usually get bored quickly, and don’t hang around for long… sorry.
Those often-ignored but essential traits of character will determine whether you will get divorced or stay together until you’re both in your eighties.
I counsel couples now and then, and I have learnt that most problems presented have something to do with poor communication. Sometimes, however, people are too different to coexist peacefully and other times they find the way forward and stay together despite the issues.
Another one – It is very common for us to give unwanted advice. Especially when your spouse shares a stressful workday with you.
Finding a solution is usually not what the person wants. So after her bad day at work, just listen.
We shouldn’t rush with offering any advice unless asked for it, because the spouse may take it the wrong way.
Perhaps, if we simply talk less and listen more? Especially before we commit to a relationship?
After all, we all have just one mouth and two ears.

Thank you

Episode 9 – Change
Today, we will explore what it takes to make a change in our life, our beliefs, or in our behaviour.
Counselling is all about provoking clients to make a change in their behaviour, emotions, or relationship with the world around them.
Some people stay where they are and never consider making changes because they don’t see anything wrong with themselves, even though others do.
Many people who are addicted to substances such as alcohol ruin their relationships with their family, friends, or spouses, and they often become aggressive when someone points out their addiction.
Many heavy drinkers try to ease some pain they feel inside, not realising that the alcohol makes that pain even worse.
Then we have the gamblers who often can’t stop wasting their hard-earned money until they find themselves on the streets. I met dozens of such people when I did charity work with Father Bob.
Those who seek help have at least some chance of changing their life. But those who never do that have almost no chance and often lose everything.
And then there are some of us, of various ages, who use all kinds of opioids, stimulants, or inhalants. Most will tell you that they use just social or party drugs, falsely believing that those chemicals won’t ruin their usually healthy brain.
Let me say just one thing here – there is no such thing as safe drugs that don’t affect your brain.
If even Panadol, coffee, or a glass of wine affects your brain to some degree, why do you fool yourself into believing that ingesting some pill in a nightclub – which often contains rat poison, cement, or worse – won’t do anything bad to your brain?
Ever wondered why Australia has a high number of kids with drug-related birth defects? A recent survey shows that almost twenty percent of Australians used to or still use some kind of illicit drug.
That’s one in every five people. You can check all those numbers on the ABS website if you like.
Many people, especially men in our country, need help. I mean real help.
But we men usually lie to ourselves (just as I did for years when I was drinking and gambling).
Yes, it is hard to find help. And making the change can be painful.
Even thinking of change can be uncomfortable.
After all, why would anyone want to stop having fun? Partying with your usual friends who smoke grass, do coke or ice? And what would you do for fun if you stop all that?
Life would be so boring… right? Wrong!
The reality looks very different from the perspective of an addict, alcoholic, or gambler. That’s why making a change is very difficult for them.
We all should know that addiction to any substance, over time, will damage the nervous system, affect memory, and harm the body – not to mention the functioning of our brain.
And what really happens when you swallow or ingest anything? You sleep for ten, fifteen hours, unconscious. You might be robbed, raped, or maybe worse. Then you wake up and what? You look for another shot because you have those shakes, don’t you?
Not much different from when you wake up with a hangover, is it?
Is that really what anyone can call a good life? Or some fun?
The sad fact is that many men have never experienced having fun while sober or while clean. They believe that in order to be relaxed and happy, you need to drink a bottle of scotch, swallow some pills, or smoke something – because it is the only way they know how to do this.
Yep. The change is needed here.
If you are addicted to a substance or to some harmful behaviour that you know you should stop, perhaps it’s time to look at it and ask yourself:
– Will my life get any better if I keep doing what I am doing, hold on to my current beliefs, stick to my habits and don’t change anything?
The answer is – No! At least not without making some change.
Sorry for being so blunt…
Very often, making just the first step, such as asking for help, could be the most challenging part.

But if you get stuck, you can always call us – East Melbourne Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy.
I work mostly online, but I see clients in person too.
This could be the best call you ever make. It may change your life.
I know this because I made such a call many years ago, and it did change mine.
We should also know that any change requires at least two steps:

• First step is to recognise that you have a problem, because if there is no problem, there is nothing to fix, is there?

• And the second – you need to make a decision. You have to want to eliminate the problem you have.

Sadly, most people never admit it and keep deceiving themselves, believing that things have gone too far and that change is impossible. But that is just another lie your mind is telling you.
Yes, any change requires a little bit of effort. So ask yourself:
– Am I happy the way I am?
If you said – Yes – Congratulations. You can stop listening now.
But if you said – No – you may want to make some changes in your life. So continue listening for a few more minutes.
I was in the army, and I lived in four different countries, having a few different jobs along the way.
In my profession, I know a few organisations which talk about helping men. Most get some government funding for what they do. They all have expertise and PhDs, but what they do is mostly… talking.
They discuss domestic violence, drug use, and the anger that men keep inside, but those organisations are mostly consultancies.
They take the money, yet what they do is state the obvious and not much else, except research.
They are well-educated academics, but most have never counselled any men and do an amazing job of talking in circles.
No wonder the crisis is getting worse. And 90% of them are females. I’m not being sexist here. I’ve met a few amazing lady psychologists, but what do you think? Would it be easier for a man in his forties to talk about his intimate and deep personal issues with a man or a woman?
Still wondering why the men’s mental health crisis doesn’t disappear? I’m not even mentioning the recent budget cuts in funding for men’s mental health.
I think we all should stay away from people who can’t help us – no matter what title they hold or position in their company.

Coming back to making a real change (not the one on paper)…
It is a known fact that the beginning is usually the most difficult part. Just like in anything else, things get easier later on. They just do.
I could use a metaphor here.
I think that making a change is like eating the French dessert called Crème Brûlée.
This dessert is hard at first. You need to break the crust to get to it. It is also a little messy in the middle, but the aftertaste… is amazing.

So, change can be a hard thing to start, depending on how long you’ve been doing what you do and how destructive your addiction is to your mind or body.
You see, many people will tell you that giving up gambling, drinking, or smoking is simply too hard.
Guess what? They are all correct!
That’s right – because it is… to them.
But are you them? No.
For you, this might be easy. You don’t know, because you’ve never tried to give up, have you?
But if you did, and stopped for a little while, that’s even better – because that means you can stop if you want to. Maybe for good someday, doesn’t it?

Ok. Now let’s talk briefly about our early false belief system, which may stop some of us from making any change in life.
Some of us are lucky enough to have great and supportive parents who have a good business or job in a high office. They drive great cars, have important connections, and their kids have a great education. Life is good.
Those people, however, cannot relate to most of those who come from low socioeconomic areas with limited means, where parents often yell at them or drink too much, telling their kids that they are a burden, useless, or stupid. They have no such experience. Hence, the organisations I mentioned earlier.
Sadly, the majority of the global population lives mediocre lives. I have lived in five different countries in my life, and I have witnessed it firsthand.
Of course, millions come from poor and abusive families and still become happy, well-adjusted people who live great lives regardless of a bad start.
But they represent just a small percentage of the population.

The biggest challenge I noticed while working with my clients is that they often don’t believe they can change.
And that is when I use hypnosis to alter those beliefs. Once a man believes that making a change is possible, he simply does it.
As I mentioned before, many other people will tell you that it is difficult to change, or even impossible, or that no one can get ahead unless they have money or the right connections.
Listening to that kind of defeatist talk can kill anyone’s hope. It will also limit a person’s spirit of adventure, hope, or even the most modest plan for their future.
So, try not to listen to toxic people, whoever they are.
I think that if your friends talk like that, you should consider changing your friends. If your family does it, see them just once a year.
If your entire environment happens to be toxic, change your environment.
I did that. I left my country to get away from toxic people who seemed to be everywhere. And it worked.

So yes, change requires making a decision – and making that first step is a must. There is just no way around it.
Ask yourself: What really holds me back from making the change I need to make?
Is it your work colleagues? Ok – change the job.
Your family? Move interstate.
Or perhaps it’s just you?
Then you just have to change yourself, don’t you? It’s also much cheaper.
Yes, making a change can be hard, but not making it is usually much harder.
The world itself is changing and moving forward. So if you’re staying in the same spot, you will end up going backwards, won’t you?

Albert Einstein once said:
– Nothing happens until something moves. –
Perhaps you could move that something and make that change today?

Thank you.

Suicide Ideations

Personally, I don’t like the word—ideation. It’s a new buzzword to make your psychologist sound more…I don’t know…professional?
Ideation means thoughts or intent. Why not use it? I prefer to use everyday language that people can refer to, such as ‘contemplating’ or ‘thinking about’.

Firstly, let’s agree on one thing. In a very few cases the suicide is not wrong. We talking about terminal illness, but that has its own name.
It’s called assisted dying.
Other extreme situations, i.e.—during the war, or when people are trapped in burning buildings and they jump to avoid suffering.
All those are not the situations we will talk about today, ok?

Today we will look at relatively healthy, often young people who think about ending their own lives. Statistics are telling us that male cluster
(so my biggest audience) represent a group that is four times larger than the female one.
So statistically, four times as many men end their lives compared to women. In 2023 we had – 3.2k Males, and just 800 Females who took their own life. And those are mostly young people, too.

In this episode, we will try to answer the question

• Why are females so much less likely to commit or even attempt suicide than men? –

First, let’s just agree that we are all Homo sapiens. But, when it comes to men and women, we are different, yes?
No, I don’t mean physical. I’m talking about the way we use our mind.

After working with hundreds of men, I learnt that they hardly ever talk about their problems, questions, or insecurities.
I mean except with therapist, but that is often not enough.

Why? Perhaps because the urban myths suggest that discussing your things asd emotions is not a manly thing to do. Chatting is a female domain, and that’s that. Now let’s think about it for a second.
If the female population is four times less likely to commit suicide and they express their feelings, concerns, or ask questions much more openly, doesn’t that mean that they are doing something right?
I mean that they have slightly better way to manage their mental health and stay alive? I let you guess the answer.
Perhaps something they do just works?
And you know what? I think that just talking might be behind it all.

Question – is it protecting your old beliefs, your fragile EGO, whatever you heard from your grandpa or your dad more important than your own life? What is more important?
Is living a long and healthy life less important than clinging to your old beliefs that are no longer even valid?
Why are so many men stuck in that ancient belief that men don’t talk and rather destroy their marriage, home, family investment, or health before they ask for help?

I should mention here that I was one of those people many years ago.
Oh yeah. I grew up in a part of Europe where most men were like that, and most drank like fish (assuming that fish do drink of course).
Talking was mostly for women. It was not cool for us. Guys who talked a lot couldn’t find a date, couldn’t get respect or even a promotion at work.
They just didn’t fit the mould of what it was to be a man, and most people thought they were weak or silly if they talked too much.
When I went into the army, it was even worse.
Thankfully, I left that place and I live in Melbourne – one of the most liveable cities in the world.

Most men, especially tradies, are the silent kind.
The type of John Wayne, Brad Pitt, Sean Connery, or George Clooney.
Those guys always do good, they always win, often have hot girls around and never give up.
So, in a word, they all know how to be a real man, right? Wrong!
Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought that.

Those people are created personas.
They are most often the figments of imagination, created by some overweight, lonely guy in Los Angeles who never had a girlfriend and writes scripts in his mother’s basement.
How do I know that? Because I write scripts too.
And before you ask, I dated dozens of women in my life. Today, I’m happily married, living in our own home, where there is no basement.

Coming back, the point is this:
I met hundreds of so-called real men while living in a few European countries. Then I came to Australia and I realised that many men here are not that different. In fact sometimes they are worse.
Men here also think that they should be a silent type. Hardly talk, but handsome, have a good body, and preferably have a decent wage to be a good provider. In other words, another Hollywood type of guy who lives in a big house and has a boat or a gun, or both, and hardly ever talks.
Oh really?
Thinking that men should be silent, strong, and shouldn’t show any emotions, even during sex, was working really well …but up to First World War.

The bottom line is, stop looking for a role model of a man in movies. Especially in American ones, because those are always unrealistic and mostly shallow.
The mould of real man supposed to be this: men don’t talk about themselves because talking about feelings is a sign of weakness or a sign of being gay.
I never enjoyed a company of such men. And I tried. And it wasn’t because I know nothing about cricket. It was worse – I just wasn’t like them…
This kind of belief is especially true among the blue-collar workers. Many of them have some difficulty handling stress and anger. So-my clients today.

Coming back to differences between males and females.
Women, whether or not you believe, are not immune to thoughts about ending their lives. Not at all.
Ok, so we established that men don’t like to talk about their problems and women do. Now, why it is so?

Ninety percent of my clients say the same thing –

“ My dad, my stepdad, or grandpa kept telling me that – a man isn’t supposed to talk a lot like a woman.
And that boys don’t cry, men should simply deal with their problems within themselves, quietly sorting things out themselves too.
Sounds familiar?

The problem is that even though being quiet may seem the right and manly way to be, let’s remember that people with serious issues who make decisions quietly use just one brain, while two heads are always better than one. Don’t you think? I do.
They don’t talk, and they try to deal quietly as they were told, and they sometimes end their lives. Also quietly.
So? Still wondering why women are four times less likely to end their lives than men?
Men often don’t even know how to talk. No one tells men how to talk about the big questions they may have. And that’s why many of us turn to cannabis, whiskey, coke or violence.

Many people today don’t read either. Scrolling through news headlines on your phone, looking for an article about a rugby match doesn’t constitute as reading.
In effect, many of us have no language to debate, argue, or negotiate with the other person during a road rage incident or a dispute with a spouse.
In effect, many men can mostly punch, break things, or scream when angry. They simply can’t find words to express their feelings, shame, or pain. There is no vocab. I’m sorry. It’s that simple.
Reading shapes your grammar, builds vocabulary and improves communication skills, which can result in learning and your promotion.
What an angry dog (who has no language) does when he gets angry? He barks and then he bites. Dog resorts to violence because it can’t negotiate or discuss things with us. I don’t compare men to dogs here. It’s just example.

When I see the news, the killing people, young women with children squxshed under concrete, I sometimes wonder if we’ve become heartless now.
Coming back to suicide, considering such final option can sometimes feel like a good idea. We often forget that all our problems are temporary, and the option of ending one’s life is the most permanent solution.
So the answer is to stay safe just for now, and things will surely change. Why surely? Because they always do. Tomorrow, or next week.

Bullying in school eventually ends when you leave the school, you may also leave the house of abusive parentas once you turn 16, you can leave the circle of negative friends and find new ones.

People you can no longer trust should go, and a network of friends who are addicted to drink will stay with you just because they need a buddy, so they won’t drink alone.
You can start a new life, even if you are in your sixties. When your business collapses, for example. And most common one – you can find another partner if your spouse decides to leave, betray you or simply dies.
All those things happen every day, and people live. We can always find a solution, a remedy for any crisis that we might see as the end of the world.
“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger,” said Friedrich Nietzsche.

Yes, hard experiences make us stronger. In my life I went through many such events. I brushed with death a few times. I got injured, broke limbs, I went through bullying, mental and physical abuse in my family. I even tried to become a whistleblower once, and they turned it on me as if it was I who was a bad guy.
All those things made me ask myself – why me? I never found the answer to it but I know that all that happened, made me tougher.
I know how to survive the war, how to function without sleep, how to find food when shops are empty, and how to protect my family even if I had to kill if necessary. That’s what they teach you in the army, or in a tough place, but you need to live there to learn it.

So, surviving disasters and hard life teaches us how to be strong. Not how to give up and end our lives.
It’s always easy to give up when crisis comes, but that’s a deserter’s way out. And it is usually the wrong one.
Life and nature teach us to never, ever give up.
That’s how we survive and how we eliminate our enemies, even if they have superior technology, or there are more of them.
Just look at any resistance movement during World War II or in any conflict today.
It’s never easy, but it is always doable. Your job is to find the right way change the thinking in your own head. People who contemplate suicide usually have the wrong kind of thoughts.

Now, let’s talk about friends or family who may have such thoughts.
This is not hard to notice. It always helps to talk to such a person, and believe it or not, asking if they think of suicide can be a good, valid question.
Don’t be shy to ask, but only if they want to talk with you.
After all, there is no such thing as a silly question; there are only silly answers. The person will usually answer honestly. If they will laugh, it usually means that they don’t, which is a good thing; however, if they say yes, then they should seek help.
I know one thing. It is always too early to do such a final act, because there is always more than one option. Your job is to find them.

As for kids. In the past, bullying often ended once you went home to your mum and dad, but today, thanks to social media, bullying can continue 24/7.
That is a difficult thing to accept, and many are afraid to discuss it because the bullies at school may retaliate against them later on.
In effect, sometimes no one knows until it is too late.
So, we have to listen. If we pay attention to those close to us, we will notice if something is not right and take action.
So, don’t be shy to ask that question.
After all, if you won’t ask, you won’t know.
Thank you.

And how we eliminate such unwanted thoughts? We talk with other humans about it. You can always make a call and talk to me in East Melbourne Psychotherapy.
Every minute is a different time on the clock face, isn’t this true?
If a bad thing happened this morning, ok. But now, this is in the past. This incident is in the past just as much as the people who built the pyramid of Giza five thousand years ago. It will never come back.
Everything changes, every minute, every day and every year. Even you do. Your body if a living proof of your aging, even if you’re just fifteen.
So why not wait and see what will happen next, since no one ever knows what future will bring? Maybe God does?

TMI Episode 11
The News

Today we will look at our daily events which we hear about in media, and we will look at how what we hear affects our mind.
First – the word news originates from the adjective – new, and it has nothing to do with your compass, as some people think.
This short adjective is perhaps the most used word today since we are all constantly bombarded with breaking news, the newest news, and sometimes the old news coming at us from everywhere.
So, news is all around us, and we can’t stop it from coming.
Ok, let’s talk a little about how the news can affect the mind.
We all have a built-in panic button in our brain, which is called the amygdala. It’s a part of our limbic system, and it’s located just above your ears.
Now, what that does is very important. The amygdala searches for any kind of danger. It does it constantly, even when you sleep.
Now, you know why you wake up when some robber makes a sound in the kitchen, don’t you?
The amygdala activates the alarm, and you wake up. You may quickly look for your gun if you’re in America.
In Australia, we grab something heavy and we call the cops. That way, no one shoots a member of their own family while being half asleep.
Now, why do we have the amygdala? A few hundred thousand years ago, long before the Old Testament became a hit, this small part of the limbic system was warning us of any kind of danger.
Mother Nature or God, if you like, gave it to us, so even when we slept in our caves, this little radar woke us up if a lion, anaconda, or flying predator was near. So in a way, it is a very useful early warning system.
Not many people know that there is a slight difference between the real danger and the imagined one.
Although we know that what we watch on TV, in news, or in a computer game is not happening to us, that small part of our brain doesn’t really know the difference.

We are naturally curious creatures, and just like other animals, such as cats, we like to know what, when, and why things happen.
I hope you know by now where I’m going with it. I will try not to bore you too much.
Basically, hearing about or, worse, witnessing some dramatic events, such as war, an earthquake, or a car accident, affects your mind. I don’t care if you see it on your phone, playing a violent computer game, or watching it happen live on YouTube. All that creates almost the same anxious, fearful, or angry response as if it was really happening to you.
Let’s get something straight here: if you come from a stressful day at work, what is the first thing you do when you get home? You turn on your huge TV, don’t you? We all do it.
Then, once you learn how many people died in Sudan, Palestine, or Ukraine today, you may eat something. After that, you turn to another source of entertainment—your computer game, such as Soldier of Fortune or another shooting game.
Then, of course, you want to be informed while you play, so you keep your mobile right next to you in case something important happens. You might receive alerts on Facebook, Instagram, or Truth Social if you’re following the American royal family.
If such an alert comes, you pause your game and start searching YouTube to see if there’s a live video of children who just died under concrete slabs that fell on their heads in the hospital. Once you see all that, you may want to return to your game and kill more people on your screen, playing until you go to bed.
Now, let’s go back and see how your whole day may look. You wake up, have a quick coffee and toast. You have to be quick because traffic will get crazy if you leave home ten minutes late. You drive for thirty or fifty minutes, paying attention to other drivers who may not be as careful as you, which causes stress and fear of being hit by another car, because no one likes accidents, no matter whose fault it is.
Finally, you arrive, but there is no parking space close to the office or your building site, so you need to park away and walk back. You end up being ten minutes late, and your boss rolls his eyes again.
No matter what you do for work, whether you are an accountant or a plumber, there is always stress. Work is often a rather stressful activity, regardless of what we do for a living. After work, you finally go home. And guess what?
It’s that traffic again, isn’t it? You were trying to find a shortcut when the guy on the left pushed in and almost hit you, but you swayed at the last second and avoided a collision.
Eventually, you arrive home, and as I mentioned before, instead of sitting in silence, meditating, reading, or listening to relaxing music, or maybe even taking a nap, you turn on the huge TV and wait for even more bad news—and we know the rest now, don’t we?
You play your violent computer game and kill more people in the game until the sun sets.
Now, remember the amygdala we talked about earlier? It senses all dangers, real and pretended. This device, if we can call it that, works overtime during your waking hours and switches to sleep mode during the night. It never switches off.
Yes, I know that not all days are like that, but if you took notes, you would find that most of your waking hours involve some sort of stress, fear, or aggression, and your amygdala is on high alert for ten or more hours a day.
Of course, there are moments of downtime when you feel relaxed and stress-free, but most of those times occur while you are in the shower or sitting on the toilet bowl.
Ever wondered why sometimes you just can’t fall asleep? It’s because your mind thinks you’re in a war zone. Its job is to warn you so you can save your life.
The amygdala sends a signal, and your brain does the rest. It thinks you are in a life-threatening environment where people are dying all around you. So how could you think about sleeping, when you should be alert to save yourself?
Yep, it’s that simple.
You can gain some control over the brain’s emotional reactions to a degree. You can slow it right down by taking deep breaths, refocusing your mind to peaceful thoughts, but it is much easier when your mind is calm.
I recommend to my clients that they walk or read a real book before going to sleep, but reading is not a popular pastime today.
Many of us look at phones in bed instead. I’m sorry, but it isn’t the same as reading a book.
Can you see now what social media and news can do to our subconscious mind after a busy or stressful day? I won’t even mention spousal arguments, which can cause additional stressful situations.
A good night’s sleep can be a real problem for some. And guess what deprivation of sleep can do to your brain? You should look it up. It will scare you.
I do help many people to tackle sleeping problems. I use hypnosis to do it. If you are one of those people, you could call me. I’ll be happy to help.
I know this was a little long, but I wanted you to see what your day can look like and recognize what might make you angry, stressed, or anxious.
And most importantly, I wanted to highlight what simple daily news can do to your mind.
The good news almost doesn’t exist. Remember saying “No news is good news”? It is true.
So why are we constantly seeking news and wanting to know what happens anywhere at any time?
Remember that cat I mentioned earlier? It appears that the curiosity doesn’t just kill cats. It kills people too.
We seek news, knowing well that we will be hit in the face with some tragedy, dead people on the streets of Gaza, or in Ukraine, or at best, a car accident where only four people died.
These days, very few people read, except of course the text on their phones or emails at work.
It’s hard to have a decent conversation with a person who doesn’t know much about anything. Yes, we can function these days knowing nothing, and we don’t even have to use language to shop, work, or play.
We all have the knowledge of thousands of years in our pockets, yet we seem to be less knowledgeable than people who lived fifty years ago.
Don’t believe me? Have a chat with your grandparents and ask them how many times a day they check the news. I bet they will laugh when you ask them. And check their general knowledge too.
Can you see where this is going?
I hope you do.
You and me no longer need to remember phone numbers, addresses, birthdays, the Socrates quotes, or names of our friends.

You don’t know what Shakespeare’s play King Lear is all about unless you Google it. And is it all that way because it’s in your mobile phone?
Ok. But do you know that just as your news, it will stay in your head for around… a minute and then it will magically disappear, forever. Gone.
That’s not self-education or even knowledge. That’s just information. It doesn’t make people smarter—unless of course you need it for work.
The same goes for learning anything that can be really useful, practical, or interesting, like history, geography, or politics. And I don’t mean propaganda like MAGA. Reading itself will enhance your language skills and general knowledge. You won’t find any wisdom in TV news.
Remember words from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?
“What do you get from watching TV? A pain in the neck, and IQ of 3.”
Who are your friends? Do they talk just about work, weather, and cricket?
Some people check their phones for news, and then, in twenty minutes, they check it again. It’s as if the world would fall apart if they didn’t check the news three times every hour.
Let’s agree that there is not much good in the news, and it was never there in the first place.
But this is what watching too much news can do to you:
You may experience a decline in your inner peace, cognition, and faith in humanity because the news is usually bad.
You won’t get any knowledge or even the truth, because most news is shaped by billionaires or regime governments who own media and tell their own version of the truth.
You may become self-radicalised if you’re not careful and turn into a fanatic who believes that the side you follow is correct and the other one is just evil.
You may fall victim to propaganda and start arguments with your friends, pushing your point of view, yelling. That never ends well, and most of those people end up angry, depressed, and alone. That’s why some of us shouldn’t talk about politics.
We all hear news on TV, in the car, or on the internet, and we should remember that depending on which TV station you are listening to, your views will be shaped accordingly.
For instance, Fox News has been trying for years to prove that the current president is a genius, while CNN has aimed to show that he is just an idiot.
There is also the issue of fake news, which is widespread today, and certain people are making significant amounts of money by spreading it. Fake news leads to huge confusion and possible civil wars.
Imagine that you want to draw a horse just like Leonardo da Vinci did, but you have no talent. So, you print a copy of his drawing and tell people that this is your own work.
Most feeble-minded and naïve people (we know in which country) might believe you and praise you as a genius, but those are the kinds of people who are considered naïve. Anyone who knows the difference between Picasso, Seneca, and Mozart will simply laugh.
The truth is simple: you cannot pretend to be smart if you are not. Even if you have the most sophisticated phone with AI in your pocket, or if you are a billionaire. It just doesn’t work.
Recently we saw such a spectacle in the arena of American politics. It had become very hard not to call it a circus.
I met quite a few people who have money, managerial positions, or even half-decent educations who get sucked in. This or that wing, or some religious cult, and keep repeating mantras like monkeys.
That was how Germans got Hitler, how Russians got Stalin, and how fraudulent salesmen become a president.
The fake news competes with the truth, and these days it often loses the contest. What do you think the effect of that will be?
We see that a whole army can invade a whole country based on the lie of a madman.
All that naïveté comes from not knowing much except the news they hear.
Eventually, billions will die or lose their homes, friends, and freedom.
And all that thanks to the news that is often just fake.
Thank you.